I have been looking for a job for awhile, and I finally got a job offer. I think I will like it. It's what I went to school for, and it seems like a good office to work in. The hours aren't too bad, and I am THANKFUL it's not retail again. I don't think I can go back to those crazy hours, the pressure, and also the politics in retail. Most people do not understand what being in management in a retail environment is like, but basically you are expected to give up your life and work your ass off for criticism. Of course not all jobs are as intense as my last one, and I enjoyed the fast paced chaos of the job, but not some of the people I had to deal with on a day to day basis.
Anyway, as I sit here in my last remaining days of being a SAHM, I am both sad and excited. Some days I long to feel like I am accomplishing more in my days then wiping noses and changing diapers. I am not good at the domestic stuff, I despise cleaning and most days I feel like why should I bother cleaning up the toys when I know the next days they will be scattered all over again.
I actually feel like a big failure when it comes to maintaining a household. I look around and see the finger prints on the walls, and dust bunnies under the furniture, and I think "I should be CLEANING." I look at my friend's houses and it seems they all are so good at the cleaning thing. They keep up with messes and their houses always look and smell nice. My house is a mess and smells like dog. I buy the plug in air freshners and before I know it they are empty. Those things are expensive! Jared gets so mad at me when I buy stuff like that. I know we could have used the money for gas money or diapers, but I hate smelling dog.
I let the dust get so thick you can write your memoirs in it on my tables. Dusting for me means 24 hours of red, itchy eyes, sneezing and problems with my asthma. I pay Jake to dust, but as with any 12 year old boy it's only a half assed job!
I can't remember the last time I washed my floors. I figure why should I because every time I do it rains and there's mud everywhere again. And frankly, I just don't care. I would rather sit with my kids and cuddle on the couch, or play with Laney and watch her learn new things. I would rather NAP.
I guess most of it stems from my Mom. She wasn't the best role model when it came to cleaning. Most of you who knew her understand what I mean. I would like to think I am not as bad. I am organized in my own way, I know where things are (unless it's anything mail related and then I have no idea because Jared is HORRIBLE with mail.) I like to think my house is organized chaos.
But now that I am going back to work I am worried about HOW I am going to do this. Obviously even though I hate to clean and I put it off as long as possible, I DO clean. But how am I going to work everyday, come home and spend time with my kids like I want to, get the stuff done around here, AND have time to sleep?
Part of me wishes it would be back in the 50s where women weren't expected to worry about who was raising their kids. I am lucky and their Grammy will watch them, but I worry about missing out on them when they are small. It goes SO fast. I feel like it was just yesterday when I met Jared, and now here I am 7 years later and we have THREE little ones together.
A big part of me knows I was made to be a mother. I was made to fix boo boos and give kisses and clap when my baby dances or shakes her bum to a commercial. I was made for football practices and driving kids to school and going on their field trips with them. My kids are MINE, and I want to be with them. I didn't have them so someone else could comfort them or kiss them good night. I honestly don't have a competitive career bone in my body. Unfortunately me working is necessary to pay the bills. Without my income we would be living in a box somewhere.
So to all my friends out there, I am sorry if you come over and there are tumbleweeds of cat hair in the corners. I'm sorry if there is mud on my kitchen floor or my toilet isn't sparkling. I'm sorry if I have piles of laundry and my bed isn't made (what a TOTAL waste of time). I'm sorry if there are dishes in the sink or cobwebs. I'm sorry if my windows are dirty and my car has french fries on the floor. But I honestly don't CARE. I don't want my kids growing up and thinking back to their childhood and thinking "all I remember Mom doing is cleaning all the time." I don't want our weekends spent scrubbing floors or me yelling their rooms aren't clean.
My brother and I had very messy rooms, and I think we turned out OK. We're not anal about cleaning, but we aren't hoarders either. I long decided if Jake and Quinn have messy rooms, I don't care. I am letting them be them. Obviously messy doesn't include trash or dirty dishes, or dirty sheets or filth. But if there are toys everywhere and Jake's video games all over his dresser, I don't care. That's HIS space. They do their chores around the house, I am teaching them responsibility. Eventually they will mature enough to look around and LIKE how a clean room makes them feel. For now I am happy with them being kids, and I just wish I was still a kid.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Best article I have read in awhile
http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/04/19/granderson.children.dress/index.html
A friend of mine on FB posted this article on their home page, and sometimes when people post links to articles I might not read them. 1 usually I don't care, and 2 I sometimes will disagree with the link and of course open my big mouth and have opinions. And usually my opinions start a small war and I lose friends.
But anyway, I saw this article and I had to read it. And I wholeheartedly agree with the author. I can not understand where parenting has gone. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to even allowed to wear lipgloss until I was 13. And make up, no way.
Jared and I both agree our daughters are not allowed many things that a lot of little girls wear. They do not wear clothing with words written on the butts. Jared made that perfectly clear before we even HAD daughters. Why do parents want to bring attention to their daughters' asses? Don't we have to worry about sick pedophiles enough without bringing attention to our kids' body parts?
Another thing we don't allow is bikinis. At first Jared banned ALL binkinis for our kids. However once I realized how hard it is to get a wet one piece swimsuit on and off Hadley when she has to go potty or was in a dirty swim diaper, I modified this rule a bit. Our girls are now allowed to wear a two-piece but the top must come down in a tankini style. No skimpy bikinis at all.
Like this guy, I am shocked when I see these young girls wearing skimpy clothing, clothing an adult would wear. Or little girls with make up on. What is wrong with these parents? Why would you let your kids dress like this?
I really think a lot of it stems from the laziness of parents. Parents now don't want to deal with their kids when they say no, so they don't. They let them talk back, run around wherever they want. Stay up to all hours, spend hours locked in bedrooms with boyfriends or girlfriends. They let them watch whatever they want, and when they do say no, the kids have a tantrum and they give in.
I see it a lot, and it starts when these kids are infants. Parents jump on the bandwagon, they baby proof every little thing in their houses so the babies never learn NOT to touch things that aren't theirs. They don't say no, and when Jr has a fit they give in and give Jr whatever he wants. Awww, Jr won't sleep except on my chest? Well now Jr sleeps in the parents' bed til he is 8.
I truly think it's laziness and also parents want to be their kids' friends. Kids don't NEED more friends, they need a parent to set down ground rules. When I was young I had curfews, rules, chores, and if I got a bad grade on my report card you better believe my ass was grass. I got spanked, my mouth washed out with soap and even my face slapped a time or two for rolling my eyes at my mother.
And you know what? I grew up respecting my parents. I was terrified to break curfew or get caught with a bad grade. I knew there were consequences for my actions. Kids now don't. They talk back to adults, have no regard for other people's property. And what happens to them? Mommy and Daddy ignore it or fix it for them.
Even summer school no longer is a "punishment". My stepson had to do summer school, and know what it involved? Sitting in his pajamas at 3 in the afternoon doing "school" on the computer. Where is the punishment in that? Where is the shame of spending your summer IN school?
The best is these parents who "don't believe in saying NO to my child." Are you KIDDING me? Usually the parents who say this are first time parents with infants and have NO clue what they are in for. I can guarentee that attitude will change once they realize they have created a 3 year old monster who is climbing their curtains and smashing their plate on the floor because they don't want to eat dinner.
I just think society has gone so soft on their children. Parents are under constant scrutiny of how they parent and God forbid you discipline your child in public without raising a few eyebrows and having some asshole calling CPS for child abuse.
A friend of mine on FB posted this article on their home page, and sometimes when people post links to articles I might not read them. 1 usually I don't care, and 2 I sometimes will disagree with the link and of course open my big mouth and have opinions. And usually my opinions start a small war and I lose friends.
But anyway, I saw this article and I had to read it. And I wholeheartedly agree with the author. I can not understand where parenting has gone. When I was younger I wasn't allowed to even allowed to wear lipgloss until I was 13. And make up, no way.
Jared and I both agree our daughters are not allowed many things that a lot of little girls wear. They do not wear clothing with words written on the butts. Jared made that perfectly clear before we even HAD daughters. Why do parents want to bring attention to their daughters' asses? Don't we have to worry about sick pedophiles enough without bringing attention to our kids' body parts?
Another thing we don't allow is bikinis. At first Jared banned ALL binkinis for our kids. However once I realized how hard it is to get a wet one piece swimsuit on and off Hadley when she has to go potty or was in a dirty swim diaper, I modified this rule a bit. Our girls are now allowed to wear a two-piece but the top must come down in a tankini style. No skimpy bikinis at all.
Like this guy, I am shocked when I see these young girls wearing skimpy clothing, clothing an adult would wear. Or little girls with make up on. What is wrong with these parents? Why would you let your kids dress like this?
I really think a lot of it stems from the laziness of parents. Parents now don't want to deal with their kids when they say no, so they don't. They let them talk back, run around wherever they want. Stay up to all hours, spend hours locked in bedrooms with boyfriends or girlfriends. They let them watch whatever they want, and when they do say no, the kids have a tantrum and they give in.
I see it a lot, and it starts when these kids are infants. Parents jump on the bandwagon, they baby proof every little thing in their houses so the babies never learn NOT to touch things that aren't theirs. They don't say no, and when Jr has a fit they give in and give Jr whatever he wants. Awww, Jr won't sleep except on my chest? Well now Jr sleeps in the parents' bed til he is 8.
I truly think it's laziness and also parents want to be their kids' friends. Kids don't NEED more friends, they need a parent to set down ground rules. When I was young I had curfews, rules, chores, and if I got a bad grade on my report card you better believe my ass was grass. I got spanked, my mouth washed out with soap and even my face slapped a time or two for rolling my eyes at my mother.
And you know what? I grew up respecting my parents. I was terrified to break curfew or get caught with a bad grade. I knew there were consequences for my actions. Kids now don't. They talk back to adults, have no regard for other people's property. And what happens to them? Mommy and Daddy ignore it or fix it for them.
Even summer school no longer is a "punishment". My stepson had to do summer school, and know what it involved? Sitting in his pajamas at 3 in the afternoon doing "school" on the computer. Where is the punishment in that? Where is the shame of spending your summer IN school?
The best is these parents who "don't believe in saying NO to my child." Are you KIDDING me? Usually the parents who say this are first time parents with infants and have NO clue what they are in for. I can guarentee that attitude will change once they realize they have created a 3 year old monster who is climbing their curtains and smashing their plate on the floor because they don't want to eat dinner.
I just think society has gone so soft on their children. Parents are under constant scrutiny of how they parent and God forbid you discipline your child in public without raising a few eyebrows and having some asshole calling CPS for child abuse.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Stupid people do stupid things
I just signed onto the internet and my homepage showed an article about some kid "carsurfing". Apparently we're supposed to feel sorry for this poor idiot who decided this was a good idea and died. I'm sorry but I don't.
Just like we hear stories of people getting hit by trains because they were walking on the train tracks. Ummm, HELLO. Why do these people walk by train tracks? Or stop their cars ON the tracks? And when they hear the whistles or feel the ground shaking because a train is coming, do they move? Nope. And then there's news stories or they show up on Oprah, ohhh poor me, I got hit by a train. Dumbass.
Or better yet let's get in a pool raft and take it rafting on the Lehigh river. Then the taxpayers can spend tens of thousands of dollars searching for us! Sounds like a fun weekend to me.
The best is people traveling to war impoverished countries who get killed by terrorists or kidnapped and made an example of by some crazy guy with a knife. Or spit on the ground and get thrown in jail for 30 years. Don't cry to me. There's plenty NICE places to travel. That kid who got flogged for whatever it was he did, he deserved it! He didn't respect their cultures or traditions so he had to withstand the punishment.
These people do this stupid shit, and then die or get hurt, and try and blame someone else. Let's sue the train whistle manufacturing company because the whistle wasn't at a certain decible and THAT'S why it hit me. Or let's sue the mall because I was a dumbass and fell into a water fountain because I couldn't pay attention to where I was walking. Or let's sue McDonald's because their coffee is actually HOT. Though that person would be the first to bitch if their coffee was lukewarm.
What is WRONG with these people?? No wonder this country's priorities are so screwed up. Only in this country does a show build a huge elaborate home for 1 family and make a big deal about it, when instead it could have built a whole neighborhood of homes and helped 50 families. Let's rally together and raise millions of dollars to help out the starving people in some other country, when there are children and families struggling to buy groceries in THIS country. Let's worry about space exploration and getting a sample from planet Mars, when some of our schools are crumbling and kids are overcrowded in classrooms.
I've gotten to the point where I see these people and their stories and I laugh. You want to swim with sharks? You just might get bit and I promise you won't get any sympathy from me. Want to smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day? I really hope I am on the jury when you try and sue the tobacco company because you have lung cancer, because I'm not awarding a dime.
We all make mistakes in life, some dumber than others, but what drives me crazy is people who don't own up to their mistakes and try to go public wanting sympathy and hand outs. They aren't getting them from me.
Just like we hear stories of people getting hit by trains because they were walking on the train tracks. Ummm, HELLO. Why do these people walk by train tracks? Or stop their cars ON the tracks? And when they hear the whistles or feel the ground shaking because a train is coming, do they move? Nope. And then there's news stories or they show up on Oprah, ohhh poor me, I got hit by a train. Dumbass.
Or better yet let's get in a pool raft and take it rafting on the Lehigh river. Then the taxpayers can spend tens of thousands of dollars searching for us! Sounds like a fun weekend to me.
The best is people traveling to war impoverished countries who get killed by terrorists or kidnapped and made an example of by some crazy guy with a knife. Or spit on the ground and get thrown in jail for 30 years. Don't cry to me. There's plenty NICE places to travel. That kid who got flogged for whatever it was he did, he deserved it! He didn't respect their cultures or traditions so he had to withstand the punishment.
These people do this stupid shit, and then die or get hurt, and try and blame someone else. Let's sue the train whistle manufacturing company because the whistle wasn't at a certain decible and THAT'S why it hit me. Or let's sue the mall because I was a dumbass and fell into a water fountain because I couldn't pay attention to where I was walking. Or let's sue McDonald's because their coffee is actually HOT. Though that person would be the first to bitch if their coffee was lukewarm.
What is WRONG with these people?? No wonder this country's priorities are so screwed up. Only in this country does a show build a huge elaborate home for 1 family and make a big deal about it, when instead it could have built a whole neighborhood of homes and helped 50 families. Let's rally together and raise millions of dollars to help out the starving people in some other country, when there are children and families struggling to buy groceries in THIS country. Let's worry about space exploration and getting a sample from planet Mars, when some of our schools are crumbling and kids are overcrowded in classrooms.
I've gotten to the point where I see these people and their stories and I laugh. You want to swim with sharks? You just might get bit and I promise you won't get any sympathy from me. Want to smoke 2 packs of cigarettes a day? I really hope I am on the jury when you try and sue the tobacco company because you have lung cancer, because I'm not awarding a dime.
We all make mistakes in life, some dumber than others, but what drives me crazy is people who don't own up to their mistakes and try to go public wanting sympathy and hand outs. They aren't getting them from me.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Marriage and relationships
I haven't written for a few days, I was extremely busy and also my husband was home, which meant limited computer time for me.
Our 6th wedding anniversary is approaching on February 12th, the longer than either of our first marriages were. In some ways I can't believe it's been 6 years for us, and in others it feels like we've been together forever. To me, our marriage has been a very easy going one. Of course we fight occasionally, who doesn't? Usually it's about money, and the lack of it or what we're going to spend it on when we DO have it. I would say he and I have a good marriage, we laugh a lot, we have an amazing family. We drive each other crazy, in good ways and bad, LOL.
We were never traditional from the start. I found him on match.com, and we emailed and then talked on the phone a few weeks before we met in person. Our first date was at Chili's in Whitehall on February 18, 2004. I remember he wore a blue sweater and I thought he was way too skinny for my taste. But he was funny, and loved his kids, and I loved his bald head. I brought him a gift and loved the expression on his face when I said I had brought him a thong. A book thong, since we both love to read. He still uses it to this day. He brought me flowers, but had left them in the car in case our date was a dud.
From the start we hardly ever had kid-free time. The first month or two, and our dates were just us, but soon we introduced each other to our boys, and then them to each other. After that our time was basically spent with kids, so we never really had that alone time most marriages have. We jumped right in with both feet.
I proposed to him, on October 3rd 2004. We were celebrating my best friend's 30th birthday and at a hotel, and drinking, and I just asked him. He didn't think I was serious at first, but I was dead serious. I knew I loved him and his boys, and he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He is truly my other half. After he realized I was serious, he said yes of course. Both our families were thrilled.
We were actually married twice. First time we eloped to Las Vegas, just the two of us. We waited in a LONG line at the Las Vegas courthouse for a marriage license on Valentine's weekend. Then at 10:30pm we took a limo to a little wedding chapel and were married by Reverend Cotton. He was a big black man, and his assistant was the witness and videographer AND the photographer. I carried a bouquet of plastic flowers I picked from a few choices hanging on a wall. It was rather funny, and I tried not to laugh through it. I wore a long peach colored dress I bought at David's Bridal on clearance, and Jared wore black pants and a cranberry colored shirt and a black tie. We exchanged plain silver wedding bands I bought at weddingbands.com. Afterwards we went back to the Luxor and changed clothes, and then headed to New York, New York and rode the roller coaster. We then gambled! It was perfect and so us.
The second time we decided to have a big vow renewal, where our friends and family could be there and we could officially join our two families into one. We got remarried at the Maryvale Castle in Maryland, and it was beautiful. Our ceremony was about joining our families, and each of us poured our own color sand into a cylander to represent each of us joining into one family.
We plan on renewing again, in the Bahamas for our 10 year. Maybe that's the secret of our success so far? We keep getting married? LOL.
I worry about some of our friends, who are having marriage problems. A good relationship doesn't have drama. It's give and take, and there's no questioning loyalties. I didn't realize this until I was almost 30 years old. There's never any question about love and if it's there, and if there is a problem you should be able to talk it through.
I'm not saying we're perfect, I know we're not. But the security of a good relationship/marriage feels so good. Rich or poor, kids or no kids, if you feel that security and that love, you can overcome anything.
Our 6th wedding anniversary is approaching on February 12th, the longer than either of our first marriages were. In some ways I can't believe it's been 6 years for us, and in others it feels like we've been together forever. To me, our marriage has been a very easy going one. Of course we fight occasionally, who doesn't? Usually it's about money, and the lack of it or what we're going to spend it on when we DO have it. I would say he and I have a good marriage, we laugh a lot, we have an amazing family. We drive each other crazy, in good ways and bad, LOL.
We were never traditional from the start. I found him on match.com, and we emailed and then talked on the phone a few weeks before we met in person. Our first date was at Chili's in Whitehall on February 18, 2004. I remember he wore a blue sweater and I thought he was way too skinny for my taste. But he was funny, and loved his kids, and I loved his bald head. I brought him a gift and loved the expression on his face when I said I had brought him a thong. A book thong, since we both love to read. He still uses it to this day. He brought me flowers, but had left them in the car in case our date was a dud.
From the start we hardly ever had kid-free time. The first month or two, and our dates were just us, but soon we introduced each other to our boys, and then them to each other. After that our time was basically spent with kids, so we never really had that alone time most marriages have. We jumped right in with both feet.
I proposed to him, on October 3rd 2004. We were celebrating my best friend's 30th birthday and at a hotel, and drinking, and I just asked him. He didn't think I was serious at first, but I was dead serious. I knew I loved him and his boys, and he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. He is truly my other half. After he realized I was serious, he said yes of course. Both our families were thrilled.
We were actually married twice. First time we eloped to Las Vegas, just the two of us. We waited in a LONG line at the Las Vegas courthouse for a marriage license on Valentine's weekend. Then at 10:30pm we took a limo to a little wedding chapel and were married by Reverend Cotton. He was a big black man, and his assistant was the witness and videographer AND the photographer. I carried a bouquet of plastic flowers I picked from a few choices hanging on a wall. It was rather funny, and I tried not to laugh through it. I wore a long peach colored dress I bought at David's Bridal on clearance, and Jared wore black pants and a cranberry colored shirt and a black tie. We exchanged plain silver wedding bands I bought at weddingbands.com. Afterwards we went back to the Luxor and changed clothes, and then headed to New York, New York and rode the roller coaster. We then gambled! It was perfect and so us.
The second time we decided to have a big vow renewal, where our friends and family could be there and we could officially join our two families into one. We got remarried at the Maryvale Castle in Maryland, and it was beautiful. Our ceremony was about joining our families, and each of us poured our own color sand into a cylander to represent each of us joining into one family.
We plan on renewing again, in the Bahamas for our 10 year. Maybe that's the secret of our success so far? We keep getting married? LOL.
I worry about some of our friends, who are having marriage problems. A good relationship doesn't have drama. It's give and take, and there's no questioning loyalties. I didn't realize this until I was almost 30 years old. There's never any question about love and if it's there, and if there is a problem you should be able to talk it through.
I'm not saying we're perfect, I know we're not. But the security of a good relationship/marriage feels so good. Rich or poor, kids or no kids, if you feel that security and that love, you can overcome anything.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I can almost breath a sigh of relief
Every year Jared and I feel like we hold our breaths through the months of December and January. It seems like for us, everything is shoved into these two months of the year. We obviously have Christmas, which with 6 kids is a HUGE financial endeavor. We try and limit spending, of course, find deals and shop sales. And though every year I panic I will never be able to do it, every year they all have a great Christmas and Santa gets them what they wanted.
Added to Christmas are birthdays out the wazoo. It's a slow build up of birthdays starting in November actually. Jared's is the 7th, my goddaughter is the 18th. Then there's Thanksgiving, and that meal alone costs a small fortune. Then hits December, and all hell breaks loose. My birthday is the 3rd, my niece is the 4th. Another niece is the 18th, and then Christmas hits.
We have a small break until January. For us January is craziness. Quinn's birthday is January 6th, so not only did he get a mountain of gifts for Christmas, two weeks later he's getting more. By this point we're counting change and thinking we need a bigger house.
Then Hadley's birthday hits on the 17th. Her toys are smaller it seems, but no less expensive. Somewhere in there we have a party for their birthdays. I feel all little kids should have a birthday party!! Last year we did a joint party at McDonald's and it seems to go ok. Wasn't too incredibly expensive, and the best part is there's no clean up at my house.
This year I lost my mind and have a joint party at my house. Why? If I decide to do this again next year I want someone to slap me. Hard. Don't get me wrong, it was an amazing party. The kids had SO much fun, a lot of people came and made them feel extra special. We all had fun, but my little house was busting at the seams. My poor nephew fell and needed stitches; I felt awful about that.
We also have birthday dinners for the kids on their actual birthdays, and they get to pick what they want. More presents, more cooking, more singing. More cake. I think we spend a small fortune on cakes alone in the month of January. We've had 5 cakes this month in our house. Last night was Cody's birthday dinner, his 19th birthday was on Sunday the 23rd. My godson's 3rd birthday is on the 29th, and we have his party and another friend's birthday party this coming weekend. Then the following weekend is my friend Beth's little boys birthday party. Good thing I save gift bags. If anyone gets a gift bag back that you gifted to us, I apologize! It seems the month of April is an extremely lucky month for Jared, since 3 of his kids are born in January.
Then we can breathe. Actually we got in bed last night and took a deep breath and said "We're done til March" With birthday parties for other kids we just show up with a present and have fun. March starts the craziness all over again. Jake is March 26th and Kyle March 29th.
At least Delaney isn't until May 7th. Then we're home free until November again!
Added to Christmas are birthdays out the wazoo. It's a slow build up of birthdays starting in November actually. Jared's is the 7th, my goddaughter is the 18th. Then there's Thanksgiving, and that meal alone costs a small fortune. Then hits December, and all hell breaks loose. My birthday is the 3rd, my niece is the 4th. Another niece is the 18th, and then Christmas hits.
We have a small break until January. For us January is craziness. Quinn's birthday is January 6th, so not only did he get a mountain of gifts for Christmas, two weeks later he's getting more. By this point we're counting change and thinking we need a bigger house.
Then Hadley's birthday hits on the 17th. Her toys are smaller it seems, but no less expensive. Somewhere in there we have a party for their birthdays. I feel all little kids should have a birthday party!! Last year we did a joint party at McDonald's and it seems to go ok. Wasn't too incredibly expensive, and the best part is there's no clean up at my house.
This year I lost my mind and have a joint party at my house. Why? If I decide to do this again next year I want someone to slap me. Hard. Don't get me wrong, it was an amazing party. The kids had SO much fun, a lot of people came and made them feel extra special. We all had fun, but my little house was busting at the seams. My poor nephew fell and needed stitches; I felt awful about that.
We also have birthday dinners for the kids on their actual birthdays, and they get to pick what they want. More presents, more cooking, more singing. More cake. I think we spend a small fortune on cakes alone in the month of January. We've had 5 cakes this month in our house. Last night was Cody's birthday dinner, his 19th birthday was on Sunday the 23rd. My godson's 3rd birthday is on the 29th, and we have his party and another friend's birthday party this coming weekend. Then the following weekend is my friend Beth's little boys birthday party. Good thing I save gift bags. If anyone gets a gift bag back that you gifted to us, I apologize! It seems the month of April is an extremely lucky month for Jared, since 3 of his kids are born in January.
Then we can breathe. Actually we got in bed last night and took a deep breath and said "We're done til March" With birthday parties for other kids we just show up with a present and have fun. March starts the craziness all over again. Jake is March 26th and Kyle March 29th.
At least Delaney isn't until May 7th. Then we're home free until November again!
Monday, January 24, 2011
It's tough being a mother
Being a mother is the hardest job on the planet. You've heard it all before. The quotes about having a child means your heart now walks around outside of your body. And it's true. No matter what decisions you make in your life after having a child, those decisions have an impact on that child/children. From something as simple as what school district to live in, what foods you buy at the grocery store, to more heavy things like divorce, working outside the home, or being a stay at home mom.
I have made a lot of tough decisions in my life. Some were easy, and some were harder. I consider myself to be a strong person. I have survived having my legs broken in 14 places and my foot crushed to the point they almost amputated. I have survived losing both of my parents at a young age. I have survived an abusive relationship. I have survived asthma that has had me near death more times than I care to count. I have had a total of 14 surgeries in my life, and my body bares 21 scares (yes I have counted, LOL). I live with physical pain everyday from my foot and my knee. I have survived divorce and being a mother in my mother's home.
But none of that can prepare you for the trauma you feel when you make a decision that you know will impact your child. Becoming a mother the first time was the biggest miracle of my life. I only had a short time to enjoy Jake before having to make the decision whether or not to remain married to his father. I made my decision and left, and I don't regret it; however there is still guilt.
Since then I have made some bad decisions about relationships, and also some wonderful ones about creating a new family for my son and myself. I moved away from familiar territory and now my son is in a school district that is helping him so much with learning difficulties. I made the decision to give Jake brothers and sisters, yes a lot of them, but my worst fear was him not having any.
As a mother I have been both a stay at home mom, and a working mother. I have done part time hours, full time hours, crazy hours, steady hours, I have done it all. Each comes with guilt. When Jake was a baby and I worked 6-11pm so he didn't have to go to daycare, I felt guilty I wasn't there to tuck him in at night or feed him dinner. When I worked steady 9-5 I felt guilty because I missed school functions, or sometimes it was Grandma who was there when my babies were sick. When I worked retail and my hours changed at all times, I felt guilty being exhausted all the time, or shuffling them around from here to there, they never knew if I was coming or going. Now that I have been home I feel guilty they are just with me all the time.
And I feel guilty because being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I have ever had, though when I work outside the home that's all I want is to be home with them. I feel guilt towards other moms. When I complain the kids are driving me crazy, I hear from working moms "I wish I could be home with my kids all the time, I would give anything for that." When I am working and complaining about how hard it is to juggle everything I hear from stay at home moms saying "But you are so lucky to get out and be useful and talk to adults."
For a mother there is no winning. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Do fathers feel this way? Do they long to be a stay at home dad, yet when they are do they long for adult conversation and time away? So they stress themselves over the guilt either way? Maybe some do, but I don't think they do. I am sure they want to be home when they are at work, because who doesn't?
It's only been the past 30-40 years that women have really started leaving their families to work outside the home. In reality that's not a long time for such change in society. Our country has one of the worst policies for maternity leave. Other countries such as Canada and Australia get 1 full year to be with their new babies. In our country most of us mothers are lucky to get 6-8 weeks, and then it's never full pay so our households suffer income loss. How can we be productive in either environment when we are still recovering from having a child? A child at 6 weeks we might not even totally understand yet? Sleep deprived, our bodies still recovering from giving birth, we're expected to go to work and hand over our babies and be productive at our jobs.
I have been very fortunate to have been home with my babies for a decent amount of time. Jake was 12 weeks, Quinn 10 months, Hadley 4 months (but then I went back part time), and Laney has been almost 9 months so far. I am extremely lucky and extremely grateful, I want to make sure I say that. I am grateful to my husband for not pushing me to go back to work, though I know financially it would be easier on us. I am grateful to be the one tucking in my kids every night and waking up with them every morning. I am with them when they are sick. I am with them when they are sweet. I am with them when they are bad. It's me they turn to.
And I am fucking exhausted.
This is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. THE hardest actually. There are no lunch breaks. There is no locking up the house and going home. There's no hitting a snooze button when you just want 5 more minutes of sleep. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Because we all know when they are sick, or hurt, or up in the middle of the night, who do they want? Mommy. I know that if I worked they would still want me, and I would still be exhausted, but going to work you are responsible for yourself. You're not wiping co-workers boogers or cleaning their poopy butts. And if you work in an environment like a daycare where you ARE doing that, you still have co-workers to help you out. You get a lunch or break period where you walk away and eat a meal, maybe read a magazine and pee in peace. No one is standing outside the bathroom door crying because they want to come in. When you're eating your lunch, you're not going to have co-workers asking for bites or stealing your chips. If you step outside you're not going to come back to find someone completely destroyed your desk and broke your lamp.
Then when you finally get the opportunity to go out, meet up with other mothers and have lunch, all you do it sit and talk about the kids! Not a bad thing of course, but are men like that? No. Men are allowed to have outside interests. Sports, hobbies, whatever it is. They go for a beer with their friends and talk sports or whatever it is they talk about. You might get a "How's the family?" The answer is "Good." And that's it. Do they talk about cures for diaper rash or trying to trick your toddler into eating more? Nope. Do they have the guilt mothers do when they aren't home? Nope. It's expected fathers have their own lives. Even the kids know it. Usually it's mommy they come to for everything first, THEN daddy as a last resort. Hell even the pets do this. My dog comes to me first if she needs anything. Because she knows at 2am who's going to haul their ass out of bed and put shoes on so she can pee? Mom is.
Then you have the men who say no to having more kids. This ALWAYS cracks me up. Their part takes 5 seconds for the sperm to find the egg. After that, it's 90% the mother. It's just nature. I think they just don't want to be inconvenienced with having to listen to pregnant women bitch or babies cry.
Back to the subject, as a mother I feel like when I escape (yes, I use the word escape) the house child free, I feel like a teenager skipping school. I get so excited I text my friends "Wow, going to get gas KID FREE!" And they understand what a great and wonderful thing that is. Men just leave. It' a bigger deal for them to take a child, then it is not to.
Then when you DO get a planned time out, it's the 3rd degree. When are you coming home? How long will you be gone? Why do you need to sit and talk to your friends for 2 hours? How long does it take to eat lunch? As long as I damn well want it to! I get a break and now it's a limited time frame?
I guess I should be thankful and lucky I get a break, that I get an hour to go and meet up with a friend. Some women don't get even that.
I have made a lot of tough decisions in my life. Some were easy, and some were harder. I consider myself to be a strong person. I have survived having my legs broken in 14 places and my foot crushed to the point they almost amputated. I have survived losing both of my parents at a young age. I have survived an abusive relationship. I have survived asthma that has had me near death more times than I care to count. I have had a total of 14 surgeries in my life, and my body bares 21 scares (yes I have counted, LOL). I live with physical pain everyday from my foot and my knee. I have survived divorce and being a mother in my mother's home.
But none of that can prepare you for the trauma you feel when you make a decision that you know will impact your child. Becoming a mother the first time was the biggest miracle of my life. I only had a short time to enjoy Jake before having to make the decision whether or not to remain married to his father. I made my decision and left, and I don't regret it; however there is still guilt.
Since then I have made some bad decisions about relationships, and also some wonderful ones about creating a new family for my son and myself. I moved away from familiar territory and now my son is in a school district that is helping him so much with learning difficulties. I made the decision to give Jake brothers and sisters, yes a lot of them, but my worst fear was him not having any.
As a mother I have been both a stay at home mom, and a working mother. I have done part time hours, full time hours, crazy hours, steady hours, I have done it all. Each comes with guilt. When Jake was a baby and I worked 6-11pm so he didn't have to go to daycare, I felt guilty I wasn't there to tuck him in at night or feed him dinner. When I worked steady 9-5 I felt guilty because I missed school functions, or sometimes it was Grandma who was there when my babies were sick. When I worked retail and my hours changed at all times, I felt guilty being exhausted all the time, or shuffling them around from here to there, they never knew if I was coming or going. Now that I have been home I feel guilty they are just with me all the time.
And I feel guilty because being a stay at home mom is the hardest job I have ever had, though when I work outside the home that's all I want is to be home with them. I feel guilt towards other moms. When I complain the kids are driving me crazy, I hear from working moms "I wish I could be home with my kids all the time, I would give anything for that." When I am working and complaining about how hard it is to juggle everything I hear from stay at home moms saying "But you are so lucky to get out and be useful and talk to adults."
For a mother there is no winning. The grass is ALWAYS greener on the other side. Do fathers feel this way? Do they long to be a stay at home dad, yet when they are do they long for adult conversation and time away? So they stress themselves over the guilt either way? Maybe some do, but I don't think they do. I am sure they want to be home when they are at work, because who doesn't?
It's only been the past 30-40 years that women have really started leaving their families to work outside the home. In reality that's not a long time for such change in society. Our country has one of the worst policies for maternity leave. Other countries such as Canada and Australia get 1 full year to be with their new babies. In our country most of us mothers are lucky to get 6-8 weeks, and then it's never full pay so our households suffer income loss. How can we be productive in either environment when we are still recovering from having a child? A child at 6 weeks we might not even totally understand yet? Sleep deprived, our bodies still recovering from giving birth, we're expected to go to work and hand over our babies and be productive at our jobs.
I have been very fortunate to have been home with my babies for a decent amount of time. Jake was 12 weeks, Quinn 10 months, Hadley 4 months (but then I went back part time), and Laney has been almost 9 months so far. I am extremely lucky and extremely grateful, I want to make sure I say that. I am grateful to my husband for not pushing me to go back to work, though I know financially it would be easier on us. I am grateful to be the one tucking in my kids every night and waking up with them every morning. I am with them when they are sick. I am with them when they are sweet. I am with them when they are bad. It's me they turn to.
And I am fucking exhausted.
This is one of the hardest jobs I have ever had. THE hardest actually. There are no lunch breaks. There is no locking up the house and going home. There's no hitting a snooze button when you just want 5 more minutes of sleep. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Because we all know when they are sick, or hurt, or up in the middle of the night, who do they want? Mommy. I know that if I worked they would still want me, and I would still be exhausted, but going to work you are responsible for yourself. You're not wiping co-workers boogers or cleaning their poopy butts. And if you work in an environment like a daycare where you ARE doing that, you still have co-workers to help you out. You get a lunch or break period where you walk away and eat a meal, maybe read a magazine and pee in peace. No one is standing outside the bathroom door crying because they want to come in. When you're eating your lunch, you're not going to have co-workers asking for bites or stealing your chips. If you step outside you're not going to come back to find someone completely destroyed your desk and broke your lamp.
Then when you finally get the opportunity to go out, meet up with other mothers and have lunch, all you do it sit and talk about the kids! Not a bad thing of course, but are men like that? No. Men are allowed to have outside interests. Sports, hobbies, whatever it is. They go for a beer with their friends and talk sports or whatever it is they talk about. You might get a "How's the family?" The answer is "Good." And that's it. Do they talk about cures for diaper rash or trying to trick your toddler into eating more? Nope. Do they have the guilt mothers do when they aren't home? Nope. It's expected fathers have their own lives. Even the kids know it. Usually it's mommy they come to for everything first, THEN daddy as a last resort. Hell even the pets do this. My dog comes to me first if she needs anything. Because she knows at 2am who's going to haul their ass out of bed and put shoes on so she can pee? Mom is.
Then you have the men who say no to having more kids. This ALWAYS cracks me up. Their part takes 5 seconds for the sperm to find the egg. After that, it's 90% the mother. It's just nature. I think they just don't want to be inconvenienced with having to listen to pregnant women bitch or babies cry.
Back to the subject, as a mother I feel like when I escape (yes, I use the word escape) the house child free, I feel like a teenager skipping school. I get so excited I text my friends "Wow, going to get gas KID FREE!" And they understand what a great and wonderful thing that is. Men just leave. It' a bigger deal for them to take a child, then it is not to.
Then when you DO get a planned time out, it's the 3rd degree. When are you coming home? How long will you be gone? Why do you need to sit and talk to your friends for 2 hours? How long does it take to eat lunch? As long as I damn well want it to! I get a break and now it's a limited time frame?
I guess I should be thankful and lucky I get a break, that I get an hour to go and meet up with a friend. Some women don't get even that.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Are we in the tundra?
I didn't want to write about anything too deep after yesterday's tear jerker post. So after taking the dog out (AGAIN) I decided I am writing about the cold weather.
I love winter, don't get me wrong. I HATE the heat of the summer, I hate being outside in the heat, unless I am at the beach. To me the best part of summer is the 1 week I get to sit on the beach and listen to the ocean. It's bearable there, but at home I want to curl up in my air conditioned bedroom and stay there until October hits. I hate sweating, I hate my house because it's like a brick oven in the summer. I hate the noise my window air conditioners make constantly. I hate the astronomical electrical bills from said air conditioners.
As many of you know, I avoid the sun like the plague. I burn even with baby 50 spf on; I don't want wrinkley, sun-exposed skin. I should have been a vampire. In the summer people EXPECT you to be outside, play with the kids in the sweltering heat, go to picnics, etc. Yuck yuck.
So fall and winter is my favorite time of year. I don't mind the cold, I LOVE snow. I love when it's snowing and everything looks so pretty. I love my cozy warm house; I love flannel sheets.
And the best part about winter? I get to feed my coat and hat obsession with my kids.
I admit I have a problem, I am OBSESSED with hats and coats for them. Delaney currently has 3 winter coats and about 6 winter hats. I rotate them, and only a few are hand-me-downs from Hadley. Quinn and Hadley both have 2 coats and a few hats each. I start obsessing about the next year's coats around January when coats go on clearance. All 3 already have their coats for next year, and then some!
In a nutshell, I love winter. However, this arctic weather has got to go. Single digits temps is NOT fun by a long shot. Having your snot freeze up on your face is not attractive, no matter how cute your coat or hat may be. My kids have cabin fever because it's been too cold to even go and play in the snow. So instead they are inside and driving me insane. With no money to spare, what can I do with them? Be one of those pathetic mall mommies? No thanks. I hate shopping, and I hate the mall even more. And if I am there I want to spend money, which I don't have. At the mall it's too easy to start my swimsuit obsession for them. I have already tried their suits on and been shopping online for cute suits for them. Delaney already has 2, and I am eyeing up one or two more online. LOVE swimsuits! So that rules that out. The movies is OK, but that's more sitting for them and loading up on candy and sugar, which makes the craziness at home even worse.
Keeping them cooped up is not good for my mental health. I am a homebody by nature, I don't venture out too often. I like the comfort of my home, where I can wear my pajamas all day and no make-up. I like lounging on my couch and taking naps. Being in a crowd of people stresses me, especially if they are strangers. So I need an extra happy pill if I try one of those Bounce places or something. The only way I like going out is if it involves a meal prepared and served by someone else. I hate cooking just as much as I hate summer heat. And then there's the money factor again. It's a vicious circle of doom.
So here I am waiting for spring, even though that means the stupid summer is right around the corner. Sigh.
I love winter, don't get me wrong. I HATE the heat of the summer, I hate being outside in the heat, unless I am at the beach. To me the best part of summer is the 1 week I get to sit on the beach and listen to the ocean. It's bearable there, but at home I want to curl up in my air conditioned bedroom and stay there until October hits. I hate sweating, I hate my house because it's like a brick oven in the summer. I hate the noise my window air conditioners make constantly. I hate the astronomical electrical bills from said air conditioners.
As many of you know, I avoid the sun like the plague. I burn even with baby 50 spf on; I don't want wrinkley, sun-exposed skin. I should have been a vampire. In the summer people EXPECT you to be outside, play with the kids in the sweltering heat, go to picnics, etc. Yuck yuck.
So fall and winter is my favorite time of year. I don't mind the cold, I LOVE snow. I love when it's snowing and everything looks so pretty. I love my cozy warm house; I love flannel sheets.
And the best part about winter? I get to feed my coat and hat obsession with my kids.
I admit I have a problem, I am OBSESSED with hats and coats for them. Delaney currently has 3 winter coats and about 6 winter hats. I rotate them, and only a few are hand-me-downs from Hadley. Quinn and Hadley both have 2 coats and a few hats each. I start obsessing about the next year's coats around January when coats go on clearance. All 3 already have their coats for next year, and then some!
In a nutshell, I love winter. However, this arctic weather has got to go. Single digits temps is NOT fun by a long shot. Having your snot freeze up on your face is not attractive, no matter how cute your coat or hat may be. My kids have cabin fever because it's been too cold to even go and play in the snow. So instead they are inside and driving me insane. With no money to spare, what can I do with them? Be one of those pathetic mall mommies? No thanks. I hate shopping, and I hate the mall even more. And if I am there I want to spend money, which I don't have. At the mall it's too easy to start my swimsuit obsession for them. I have already tried their suits on and been shopping online for cute suits for them. Delaney already has 2, and I am eyeing up one or two more online. LOVE swimsuits! So that rules that out. The movies is OK, but that's more sitting for them and loading up on candy and sugar, which makes the craziness at home even worse.
Keeping them cooped up is not good for my mental health. I am a homebody by nature, I don't venture out too often. I like the comfort of my home, where I can wear my pajamas all day and no make-up. I like lounging on my couch and taking naps. Being in a crowd of people stresses me, especially if they are strangers. So I need an extra happy pill if I try one of those Bounce places or something. The only way I like going out is if it involves a meal prepared and served by someone else. I hate cooking just as much as I hate summer heat. And then there's the money factor again. It's a vicious circle of doom.
So here I am waiting for spring, even though that means the stupid summer is right around the corner. Sigh.
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